


Good Years

by yourbasicbitchsusan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fighting, Fix-It, Good Years Single, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Implied Jealousy, M/M, Making Up, Zayn used to be a dick, boys liking boys, boys loving boys, but he's cool now promise, icarus falls, zouis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 19:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17049290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourbasicbitchsusan/pseuds/yourbasicbitchsusan
Summary: ❝Love the new album.❞❝Really? I got a different impression from your tweet.❞-Or the one where Louis gets mad and tweets something about Zayn he doesn't end up regretting, ever.





	Good Years

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write this as soon as good years came out, it's like a week or two after but it's still rushed but i don't care. angst angst angst. also while i love ziam, i'm zouis trash and good years + there you are screamed zouis to me.

Louis had felt utter, blinding rage a four times in his life. The first time was when he was twelve and Henry Potter had told him that being gay was a sin and everyone who chose to be gay were going to hell. Louis decked him in the face and got suspended. The second time was when Niall was cornered by ‘fans’, telling him that he was ugly and didn’t deserve to be in the band. The third time was when Briana had threatened Danielle, who for the record was just a friend, because she was photographed holding Freddie and apparently that was her ‘mothering him’. The last time, the most recent time, was now: when Zayn had released his new single ‘Good Years’.

A few years ago, after Zayn left One Direction, he made the comment that “he had never wanted to be in the band anyway’. Louis remembers feeling so small and so hurt, and when he looked at his bandmates faces they shared similar looks. Zayn had never mentioned that he hated the band before he left, Zayn always told Louis he was happy because he was with his mates and that’s all he could ask for. Maybe he was lying. But Louis didn’t think so.

Louis just think he’s lying now. And being a dick.

He was supportive of Zayn leaving, if he wanted to make solo music he should. But saying shit like that? Pretending that Harry, Niall and Liam weren’t his family? That _Louis_ wasn’t his family? It was bullshit and it hurt him more than he let on with Harry. And Zayn knew it would hurt them, hurt Louis.

And then, Christ, that horrible twitter scandal happened between Louis and Naughty Boy, with Zayn jumping in at the end. That really broke things between them, but Louis couldn’t help it. Zayn kept making digs at Louis when doing interviews, when tweeting and he saw that guy’s stupid face and he lost it. Louis wanted to apologize the next day, but he didn’t. He regretted saying that stuff to what’s-his-face, but he didn’t regret angering Zayn. Showing the world how their relationship was now to the world, what he created.

Swallowing, Louis heard the lyrics ring through his head for the millionth time. He heard Zayn sing about wasting his Good Years, he heard Zayn sing about their relationship in some parts too—“Too much drugs and alcohol, what the hell were we fighting for?”—Yeah, as if that wasn’t Zayn sticking his finger in the air at Louis. That night was a mistake, in retrospect, a night filled with too much whiskey, careless flirting and shared secrets about how they loved each other deeply. Zayn might’ve not classified those as ‘good years’ but they were fucking sacred to Louis. The years with Zayn were the best years of his life.

Zayn helped him through everything. Everything. He was there when his Mum was diagnosed; he held Louis’ hand in the waiting room as Joanne was in there with doctors. He was there afterwards too, when he found out the news that his mother only had a few years left to live if she was lucky, and he cried into his shoulder the entire night. Zayn was there to help him get over his stupid fear about going on stage. Zayn gave him confidence. Zayn gave him everything. And Louis did in return, at least that’s what Zayn used to tell him.

Louis thought Zayn was it for him, he thought Zayn was his soulmate. How naive.

Fuck him. Fuck him. _Fuck him_. Louis’ eyes burned with tears and he blinked them away hurriedly, biting his cheek in anger and opening twitter. Louis didn’t care about the repercussions right now, he was never good at holding this shit in. ‘Properly confused. Hypocrite!’ He typed. The result after he hit send was instantaneous: thousands upon thousands of favourites, retweets and replies from fans who were freaking out and asking if it was about Zayn. Louis didn’t care, he hoped Zayn saw it. Hope he remembered all the nights in bed laughing and sharing kisses, sharing dreams. He hated Zayn. He hated him.

Zayn might have not been Louis’ first, or even last—although he certainly thought he would be—but Louis still trusted him, and it was a betrayal everytime lied. Lied to his fans, lied to his friends, lied to his family. Maybe he was embarrassed of One Direction, of Louis, so he lied about how much he cared about them. But it broke him a little every time he said something anyway, chipped away pieces of his heart.

He didn’t know what he’d do without Harry. And Harry had been insanely busy, but he always made time for Louis and his stupid problems.

Louis was buttering his toast when sure enough, his phone rang. As if Harry knew how much he needed him. Smiling gently, Louis quickly answered and pressed the phone to his ear, “Hey, mate.”

Silence answered him.

“Harry? You alright?” Louis bit into his piece of toast awaiting his response. 

“Hey, Louis.”

Louis dropped his toast.

Jesus Christ, he hadn’t heard Zayn talk to him in ages. And he said his name too. Louis felt all his schoolgirl emotions flooding back into his heart and he scowled in frustration. He was better than this. Zayn turned out to be a jerk. _Do not engage_ . _Do not engage_.

Louis fumbled with his words, “Oh. Sorry, uh. I didn’t check the ID, I assumed it was Harry.” _Wouldn’t have answered if I knew it was you, twat._ “Uh, hey.”

Zayn’s voice was melodic as always, soft and beautifully accented, “Hey.” Louis couldn’t tell if he was mocking him, if he was amused or he genuinely didn’t know what to say.

Louis didn’t know what to say either. But the silence was deafening and somehow worse than making a fool out of himself so he gritted out, “Love the new album.”

“Really? I got a different impression from your tweet.”

Fuck. _Deny, deny, deny._ Louis put on a bitter tone and sneered, “Not everything’s about you, darling.”

It felt good to say this shit to him, to know Zayn was listening. It was euphoric. Louis wanted to fight, he wanted Zayn to argue back with him. He hasn’t fought with him in ages, in years, he just wants them to keep talking. He wants to reignite the warm fire he felt in his stomach years ago.

Instead, Zayn’s voice sounded guilty and Louis was thrown. “It’s not... the song isn’t what you think,” Zayn mumbled, like he wanted to say more but couldn’t bring himself to.

Louis scoffed out a laugh, “Oh? So it’s not you saying that you regret all the time you spent with us, with me? Saying you wasted your time away.” His voice became a little more vulnerable, but it was still angry and bitter when his voice cracked unexpectedly, “That we were a lost cause.”

“No!”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Louis’ gaze fell to the floor of his hotel, “Wouldn’t be a far reach, Zayn.”

Pause. Louis was about to argue again when Zayn spoke up first, “I’m sorry about the last few years.”

Louis huffed in disbelief.

“I’m serious. I’m sorry if I hurt you, or the boys.”

 “It’s whatever. All of us seemed to have moved on.” _Don’t do it, don’t be petty_ , even when he wasn’t here, Louis couldn’t help but think of how Harry would console him and give him advice. Louis ignored the voice in his head and spat out mockingly, “Speaking of, how is Gigi? She’s glowing lately.”

Finally, _finally_ Zayn let out a frustrated noise, “Louis, please.” His voice wasn’t angry or irritated, more sad and tense. It wasn’t what Louis wanted but he’ll take what he can get.

“What?” Louis challenged. He rested his back against the island counter and prepared himself, prepared himself for what Zayn would say. Whether it was words of spite, lies, or at least a civil explanation. He had a comeback for all, a harsh _fuck you_ waiting to let loose from his mouth.

However, Louis wasn’t prepared for another apology; especially one that struck his heart. Zayn said the following words with an eerie calmness, like this was all he could say to Louis, “The song was my... I was trying to reach out to you, to tell you I was sorry.”

Louis’ entire body released tension and whatever crumpled mess that resided in his chest pumping blood did a little flip. But despite the hope uncurdling throughout his body, Louis’ mind took over and he scowled, “Right. Yeah, that’s not the vibe I was getting.”

“I was _trying_ to say that…” Zayn inhaled sharply and released it out shakily.

“What?” Louis spat. He couldn’t help but be angry, Zayn had fucked them off without thinking twice. Harry was a mess after what Zayn said about their friendship and Louis would never forgive his old friend for that, not really. He remembered Liam being all distant and weird, like he was stepping on eggshells around the band and it _killed them_ because if Liam wasn’t okay, none of them were. Niall… Niall put up a good front, but Zayn was his best friend. Their dynamic wasn’t the same after Zayn lied to the media, lied to his friends.

We were supposed to be his friends.

“I wrote the chorus when I left the band. I thought I _would_ be wasting my good years if I left the band. If I left you.” Zayn spoke softly, like he was trying to not cry but Louis couldn’t help but feel the hollow, angry hole in his chest expand.

Louis saw red and his knuckles clenched around the phone tightly, “What the fuck?” He spat, “Leaving the band was _never_ the problem. You lied to everyone! You said you weren’t close with Harry, you said you never wanted to be a part of the band, you fucked a model as soon as you broke up with me _over text_!”

“I know! I know, and I’m… so sorry.” Zayn sounded miserable, a small part of Louis’ was happy about it, “That’s what I was trying to do with this song, Lou. I was trying to say sorry the only way I knew how. I shouldn’t have said or done any of that, it was stupid.”

Louis didn’t know what to say and Zayn probably sensed it so he continued, “This was my song about _you_ , about missing you. I already missed you like a month after leaving you…“I’m sorry about everything I’ve said, everything I’ve done.”

“You could’ve chosen a better way of apologizing, I was _pissed_.” Louis voice was started to waver, and he slowly found himself believing in Zayn and his apologies, he found himself suddenly missing him more than he had in the fast three years. Louis missed him terribly, and it was beginning to hurt.

Zayn kept going, and Louis was grateful because he was looking at the floor and speechless like some vacant doll. Zayn’s voice grounding Louis once again, like before, “I’m sorry. And not just about the song misunderstanding. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry about Gigi, and I know a mere apology after four years means jack shit but I couldn’t… not apologise.”

 _Say something, don’t be an asshole_ , Harry’s voice filled his ear. Finally, Louis listened to him for once and let out a shaky breath, a huge weight lifting off his chest immediately, “I’m sorry too. About the twitter thing.”

“You were right about him though, just didn’t see it at the time.” When Zayn spoke Louis could hear the smile in his words, and the older boy couldn’t help fight the grin off his face in return, “Thought you were jealous.”

Louis scoffed good-naturedly, “Jealous? I don’t get jealous.”

“Sure you don’t.”

God, Louis needed to say something else before he did something stupid like cry in happiness. Zayn might not let him live it down; but part of him would deal with the torment if that meant Zayn stayed in his life this time.

He breathed out nervously, Louis couldn’t tell if his mind was screaming at him louder or his heart, “Zayn?”

“Yeah?”

 _Don’t do it, Lou. Don’t be stupid,_ Harry’s voice filled his mind again but Louis ignored it once more, he was already this far ahead. “Do… do you want to get breakfast or something?”

Zayn’s breath hitched and Louis froze. Instant regret. Why would Zayn want to see him again? It was an apology, nothing more. Louis was stupid, so stupid. He rushed to correct himself, to soften the blow, “It doesn’t have to be… it’s not a date or anything. I just miss you.”

More silence and then Louis could hear Zayn’s smile in his following words, “I liked that song.”

“What?”

“Your song. Miss You.”

 _That was about you, everyone thought it was about Harry. But it was about you._ “Oh. Thanks.” Louis strangled out, because what else could he say?

Zayn sounded more stronger now, more confident like it used to be. Louis relished in it, relished in the familiarity of _him_ ,  “Yeah, breakfast sounds good. Meet up at our place?”

“Really? That’d be sick.”

“See you there, love.”

 

**_Harry_ **

_Just saw your tweet. Need me to call?_

 

Thinking about Zayn, seeing him face to face after… god knows how long, thinking about how maybe things can go somewhat back to normal. Or at least friends. Louis hoped they could go back to being friends at least, life had been so hard without him and now, already Zayn had him smiling like no one ever has before. He didn’t need Harry right now, he was thankful for Harry’s advice of course. But it seemed as if all the pieces of Louis’ life was returning where they should be.

 

**_Louis_ **

_No I’m okay, mate. I’ll fill you in later. Love ya._

 

Zayn and him together, platonically and romantically, were the best years of his life and now hopefully there were more to come.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it?? let me know what you think heh


End file.
